


Resident Enis: Vampire Night

by Mozartsgirl



Category: Random Encounters: Resident Enis (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Mild Language, No Song Lyrics (I'm Not Clever Like AJ)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7363378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mozartsgirl/pseuds/Mozartsgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's clear that Mark and Dodger did not like Enis in Resident Enis. So why would they ever keep him in the group? Why didn't they just try to kill him? Why wouldn't they just abandon him at the stream? How did they get close enough to trust him (however mistakenly) with the supply bag?  These questions are answered, in Resident Enis: Vampire Night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vampire Night

It had been four or five hours since they left the mansion and Enis was still following them. No matter what they did, he was still there. They tried to trick him, ditch him, gross him out. Dodger kept hitting him with her baseball bat but he didn't even seem to notice. Every hour or so Mark decided he'd had enough. He would turn around to stake their sparkly hanger-on right through the heart. Enis always flashed a brilliant smile and gave his best puppy dog eyes until Mark backed down. 

They stopped in a small clearing to rest while Enis chattered away.

“...and then I got out the book and he just burst into flame! My poor little vacuum couldn't handle all those ashes. Then another time...” 

Dodger tried hard to block him out by humming as she retied her shoelaces and checked her supplies. It didn't work.

“...so he didn't even want a cookie! I was giving him cookies on cookies and he was as mad as a wet hen. Oh, you guys should have met my favorite hen. Her name was Bernice. She was a great layer and she could cluck the theme from The Muppets...”

Mark tried to drown him out with the sound of a whetstone against his machete. It didn't work.

“...and you gotta keep in mind he was only about five feet high. No one needs to be greasing a horse if they're that short, don't you agree? I do miss him, though. He was a good kid. Hey, did you know--”

“Shut up!”  
Mark dropped his blade, stood up and hauled Enis to his feet by the suspenders. Enis's eyes went wide and he clamped his mouth closed. Mark shook him back and forth a little as he shouted.

“You irritating, sparkly, kazoo-playing leech! You need to shut up. You need to shut up and get away from us. We do not like you. We do not want you around. Dodger and I will be fine on our own. Go away!”

When Mark let go, Enis fell to the ground. His lip started quivering and tears poured out of his eyes. He looked to Dodger, who just sat there with an apologetic look on her face and a shrug. She didn't say anything. She couldn't keep eye contact with either of them for long. Enis stood slowly and shuffled his foot in the dirt. 

“I'm sorry for annoying you. I'll go now. Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys.” He walked away trying not to cry.

Dodger leaned back as Mark sat back down. They sat in silence until Mark just snapped.

“You didn't want him around any more than I did. He's annoying and weird and noisy and he's gonna attract monsters. And he's...kind of fun to have around and I screwed up didn't I? And I think I made him cry. Oh, great. I'm a douche.”

Dodger shrugged. “We've had worse companions. Plus, he tried really hard to save Dave. Failed miserably, but how many people have we met who are willing to try such a string of crazy crap to save a stranger? I mean, really. And he's sweet.”

“Damn it. It's too quiet without him. Let's go.” 

They walked back in the direction Enis had gone, calling for him, but he was blubbering too hard to hear them. He wandered through the trees, narrowly avoiding traps set for human-sized creatures. He clutched his book to his chest and shuffled on.

“Enis!” Dodger said, scouting for a sign of sparkles. “Enis, where are you?”

Mark grumbled a bit before Dodger glared at him. “Enis! I'm sorry I called you a leech! Come back!”

They didn't notice the traps either, but they were not as lucky as Enis. Dodger got her foot caught in a rope trap, and Mark got scooped up in a net. They were hauled up screaming by two pale, slender, much-scarier-than-Enis vampires.

“Hm,” said one, tapping his fingers against Dodger's shoe. “They're a bit small.”

“Scavengers,” said the other. “Living on berries and scraps. At least they're something.”

Mark swore and struggled, reaching for his machete. He spotted it lying several feet away from them, by a bush, and swore some more.

Unknown to both vampires and victims, Enis was hiding behind that bush. He had gotten himself lost. And when Enis was lost, he looked at the book. And what the book said to do was turn around and head back to the last place he remembered. So he had done it. And now he was in the bush, looking between his struggling friends and the large metal blade only a few inches from his hand. He took a deep breath and launched into action.

With a squeaky but enthusiastic cry, Enis rushed forward and impaled the first vampire. After he pulled the machete from the creature slowly turning to dust, he turned to the second. “Let my friends go or you're toast!”

The other vampire recognized Enis. “Hello, blabbermouth. Why'd you have to go and kill Liam?”

“You were gonna eat my friends. I couldn't let you kill them. Anyway, it got your attention, didn't it? And furthermore--”

“Oh, God, I do not caaaaaare. Keep your friends, I'd rather suck a fish than listen to you.” The vampire cut the ropes holding Mark and Dodger. He turned into a bat in a flash and flew away. Enis helped them untangle themselves.

“Oh, my gosh, I was so worried about you guys. I thought, what am I gonna do? And I thought, a sneak attack! Good thing you dropped your machete, Mark! Though I guess if you had it you could have cut yourself free...”

“Enis, can you please not speak for half a second?” asked Mark, standing and helping Dodger up. Enis shrunk back, lip quivering and tears welling all over again.

“Hang on, don't get upset,” said Dodger. 'We were looking for you. We want you to come hang out with us some more. Mark is just grumpy from almost being dinner.”

“And because you're noisy,” said Mark, crossing his arms.

“I can be quieter,” said Enis, perking up.

“I sincerely doubt that,” said Mark. “But I am sorry for calling you names. If you want to come with us, you can. Just...keep in mind that we will need silence at times. Stealthy times. And sleep. Do you sleep?”

“Nope!” said Enis.

“I didn't think so,” said Dodger. “You are now our designated night guard.” 

“Cool!” Enis said, jumping on the balls of his feet. “I can sound the kazoo if anything goes wrong!”

Mark rolled his eyes. Then he handed Enis their supply bag. “Make yourself useful, Sparkles.”

“Aye, aye, Captain!” Enis threw his arms around Dodger and Mark.

Mark sighed. “We've got to get moving. We've lost a lot of ground. Enis, you still smell like an anus.”

“I still appreciate your honesty,” said Enis.

They began their trek through the wilderness. Enis couldn't keep his happiness inside and kept yodeling and humming. Mark was just grateful it wasn't the kazoo.

Dodger smiled to see the boys not fighting. “I think there's a stream near here we're going to have to cross.”

“Where?” asked Enis.


	2. The Kazoo Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to go into the main story but it didn't really fit, so I tweaked it a bit and now it takes place after Monster Gulch. Enjoy!

They had covered a great distance after they left the bandit's house. Mark had thrown six of Enis's kazoos away in the last hour, after a prolonged attempt to deal with the grating sounds. Enis still managed to get hold of new ones. Dodger eventually seized Enis by the suspenders and stuck her hand in his left pocket.

“Wow, Dodger, this is kind of uncomfortable!” said Enis, backing up as fast as he could. “We've only known each other for a few days!”

Mark laughed. “I ship it.”

“I got the last one,” said Dodger, throwing it on the ground and stomping it. “We're free!”

Enis pouted for about fifteen minutes. Then he pulled yet another kazoo from his pocket and started playing. Dodger stopped dead in her tracks and let the boys pass her.

“How? How, Enis? How?” she asked.

“These are my magical kazoo pants!”

That stopped Mark. “I don't want to ask, but hearing that I can't ignore it. What are magical kazoo pants and how do you come to have them?”

“Well, one day I was reading my magical spell book and I found a spell for a “Pocket of Plenty”. Whatever you enchanted the pocket to give, you got! So I gave it a try, and voila! Never ending supply of kazoos!” Enis demonstrated by pulling about five more from the pocket.

“Wait, anything?” asked Dodger. “You could enchant the pocket for anything and you pick kazoos?”

Enis shrugged. “I didn't think it would actually work. Some of the spells in the book are kind of silly.”

Mark and Dodger looked at each other as if they were on The Office. Enis played a few tunes as they walked on. 

“Of course he has a magical pocket,” said Mark. “Of course you have a magical pocket. Our lives couldn't possibly get any weirder, could they?”

“Guess not,” said Dodger. “Hey, Enis? Do you take requests?” 

He beamed. “Of course I take requests. What would you like to hear? You Are My Sunshine? Wonderwall? The theme from SWAT?”

“I'd really love to hear some silence,” she said.

“I've never heard it. Hum a few bars and I'll follow along!”

Mark tore a piece of his shirt off, ripped it in two, and stuffed the pieces in his ears. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
